canadian plans to invade the u.s.!

Tyler Williams has noted some actual U.S. plans drawn up circa 1935 for a possible invasion of Canada. It should be noted that Canadian intelligence officers have known about these plans for at least two weeks now, and Canada has in turn drawn up its own plan for the invasion of the U.S. I hesitate to publish this plan, lest the U.S. Department of Homeland Security shut down my blog--although it's kind of cool to think that George W. may be listening to my telephone calls. Nevertheless, I reproduce the plan summary here verbatim:

SECRET CODENAME: "CANADIAN INVASION OF U.S."

Our first step is to deploy our submarine to Portland, Maine. This has been identifed as a strategic port because that's as far as our submarine will go from Halifax before it would have to turn around and come back anyway.

We will simultaneously send our legendary RCMP through our drug tunnel from British Columbia into Washington state, seizing the farm on the U.S. side.

Once these key positions have been taken, we will deploy our helicopter filled with jelly-filled Tim Hortons donuts to the eastern base of U.S. power, Madison Avenue. The jelly filling will cause the advertisers to produce mind-numbing television commercials. Trials to this point have been very successful. Of course, this stage in the operation can only be performed on the exact day when our helicopter is working, so this must be timed carefully.

At the same time, our secret, undercover agents will take control of the western base of U.S. power, Hollywood. Our "Made It Big" Canadian comedians will reveal their true allegiance, producing mind-numbing comedy that will lull the American populace into believing Canada is a benign, somewhat jolly, neighbour to the north. Again, trials to this point have been very successful.

Finally, we will send a series of grain trucks across the border into the northwestern United States--where they will be least expected--carrying our top military unit, Her Majesty's Royal Gun-Toting Rednecks. One or two trucks will carry illegal grain across the border as a diversion. If necessary, we will also divert attention from this invasion by having the Liberal Members of Parliament in Ottawa call the U.S. bad names. After the RGTR befriends their like-minded neighbours in Montana and send word to their cousins in the south, they will march unopposed into the official center centre of power, Washington D.C. Once this is taken, the Canadian flag will be raised (alongside the U.S. flag--we don't want to cause undue offense) and Celine Dion will sing the Canadian national anthem in both official languages.

THE GOAL: COMPLETE ICE HOCKEY DOMINATION. ANYTHING LESS IS UNACCEPTABLE.