an apocalyptic cry for mercy

Those of you who are fellow college instructors might appreciate this, on a Friday afternoon at the end of the term. It's a note I received from a student accompanying his late term paper:

In the first semester of my fourth year, I, Matthew, fell into a deep sleep and a vision came to me:

I was standing on the open prairie and suddenly four beasts burst forth from the bowels of the earth. Each beast had seven horns, and they all began to charge at me at once. So I prayed to the Lord to deliver me from mortal death and he gave me a sword and said unto me, "Slay them and be victorious." So I took the sword and struck the first beast in the neck and he died. In the same manner I struck the second beast and he fell like a great tree. And likewise I thurst into the third and it was disemboweled, never to rise again. Then I turned to the last beast to slay it but fear was struck in its eyes and it fled in fear. So I pursued it with fury. I chased the beast on the winds of the heavens, in snows of the north, through treeless forests, and finally I caught up with it at the top of a great mountain range. There I went to kill the beast as the Lord commanded, but on this mountain I found that it had fled to its whole family... thousands upon thousands of beasts. I became struck with fear and was terrified, and, knowing that I must obey the Lord, I threw the sword at the beast's foot and I struck his toe and it bled. Henceforth, I ran from the mountain and awoke from my vision.

These things troubled me much, so I asked of the Lord what they meant so that others might understand. The Lord said, "The four beasts represent four papers that Matthew had to write at college. The seven horns and simultaneous attack of the beasts indicates that they were all due in the same week. The sword the Lord gave to Matthew was his own mind which he was to use to write these papers. The slaying of the first three beasts signifies the successful completion of the first three papers. The last beast represents his final paper for Issues in New Testament Studies, which should have been an easy task but, because he started late and he really wanted to do a good job, he continued to read more and more about his chosen topic. The final meeting of all the beast's family represents the eventual enormity of the topic and the inability to discuss half of all New Testament research in the last century in fifteen pages. The throwing of the sword represents Matthew's weak attempt to pick a topic and deal with the issue. The bleeding of the beast means that the topic Matthew tried to cover is by no means solved and his career as a New Testament scholar is not where he wishes it were. Matthew's running away represents his handing in the paper to his professor."

So with much trembling I recorded these words that I might attain some sort of mercy.

Needless to say, I accepted the paper. Really, how could I not? :-)